Child Psychology

» metwithsilence - is he afraid of intimacy?

i posted this under insecurities.. now i'm posting here... i'm hoping i receive a response b/c i'm not getting ANYTHING from him.

he, is my boyfriend whom i have just left.... unhappily.

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Please help!!

I have been dating this guy since Jan 25th who explained when we met that he was extremely introverted.

In the beginning, we had a great time. We went out dancing at STL's big Mardi Gras celebration (lots of people around). We had fun drinking water in his apartment with no media entertaining us. we saw movies on friday and read books in bed on sunday.... We had fun... slowly he began revealing facts about himself... i crave to know more but know i have to allow him to unfurl.

essentially, the first month was great. he writes a list of the 80 things he likes about me.. they include that,

we compete together and always win against our adversaries.. we have similar interests and styles.. he says that he likes that we can have a conversation where all he has to do is nod... with this list of 80 things, he buys me a pillow that i love and i tear up a bit thinking how lucky i am to have found this kind, beautiful guy....

we have sex and he says, 'sex with you is the best'----that's the first and only compliment(?) he gives me verbally.

the next six weeks, he began withdrawing.. big time. three weeks ago he told me he can only see me twice a week... friday he stood me up at my friends' performance that i gave him a week's notice of.. saturday we went for a long walk (that killed my feet-currently my feet all bandaged up from having 4 morton's neuromas removed this morning)... anyway, he and i went on a long walk saturday--he made NO motion to apologize for missing my friends' show... i let it go--i realize i set up expectations that he could not meet and that i effectively hurt myself. i feel this way and thus spend the two hours walking around (in pain, but not revealing the state of my injury) trying to have pleasant conversation.

he made one comment that i didn't extract from him---he said, 'well it's nice that it's becoming spring'... i probed why he felt that way, 'i don't know, i guess b/c it's getting warmer.' ok, i reply, and i ask what else does he like about spring... he tells me he doesn't know and asks what i like. i tell him 'late spring strawberries'.. he says, 'is that what you are all about?'... 'no i reply, it's just something i like about spring..'

clearly our great fun relationship has soured....

he made NO attempt to touch my face or body in all the time we were together. twice, i tried to grasp his hand and it went rigid.

since then i have text messaged and emailed b/c what i read about introverts is that its easier for them to communicate via writing. i tried calling last night after i've cleared his apartment of my things.. in previous communications, i have told him in these messages that i don't understand what is wrong.. i don't know why he's shutting me out---but if he wants, i will leave.. that effectively he's telling me to go by not asking me to stay. i gather all my things at his place, reach to get a large kitchen appliance off the top shelf of his cabinet and realize i can't reach it.... . he knew i was coming to get it.. he knows i cannot reach it...

i look at the state of his apartment.. it hasn't been cleaned since i scrubbed it down three weeks ago... not a single dish has been done since i did them three weeks ago.. the floor is covered in hair so much that it looks like the wild west w/ dog hair instead of tumbleweed.

did i mention that at the end of month one he told me that he was on a generic form of prozac? no, i didn't. nor did i mention that i think he took himself off it around then. for one.. we were having 45 minute sex sessions, suddenly they were like 2 minutes and he seemed withdrawn afterwards. (one side effect of the drug he was on was that it ended premature ejaculation).

so, i know that he's extremely introverted, i don't know for sure that he's off his anti-depressant but suspect this....

he's changed. radically.

i don't know what to do.

he's new to the city --- the only people he knows are the people that he works with...

and while i've never met anyone from his family, i have a feeling that he is his own man and does not lean on them for support of any kind.

finally---i think he's in a bad financial situation...

am i just supposed to walk away? i like this guy. a great deal.

-- posted by metwithsilence