You'd win the promotion or have a better relationship - but you find leaving your comfort zone scary. Here's the psychology keeping you in your comfort zone.
Leaving your comfort zone is scary because if you venture out, you'll feel anxious. It's basic psychology. Even the thought of leaving your comfort zone or circle of fear induces stress and sweat. Your comfort zone may prevent you from pursuing your dreams, winning the promotion, having a better relationship, or living the life you want….but it doesn't have to.
Why leaving your comfort zone is difficult
Comfort zones prevent us from accepting exciting opportunities, asking attractive people out for coffee, inviting the neighbors over for dinner, or going on vacations. They lock us into our tried-and-true ways of living; they don't allow us to explore our potential.
Comfort zones are safe.
Leaving your comfort zone is leaving what's comfortable
Your comfort zone is whatever you're most familiar with. It includes your family, friends, house, income level, spouse, or lover. Take your family, for instance. If your childhood was filled with abuse, conflict, or pain you'll feel more comfortable in the same place in adulthood – even if you have the opportunity to live in a loving environment. In fact, you may reject healthy partners and living situations in favor of what you're familiar with. If you grew up with abuse, you've learned what to expect: yelling, hitting, silence, accusations.
Leaving your comfort zone is hard because you know what to expect there. You know how to deal with life in your comfort zone.
Leaving your comfort zone is new & scary
Here's an example: if you grew up learning that making people happy is right and rewarding, then you'll try to please as many people as possible. That's one theory of how adult "people-pleasers" evolve: they were rewarded for doing the right thing by others, and now they can't say no without guilt or fear. Adult people-pleasers learn to avoid doing what they want because they're bound by pleasing others. The comfort zone for people-pleasers saying yes despite their real feelings and desires.
It's somewhat ironic that living in a healthy way causes anxiety because it's new, and living in the old unhealthy or even abusive way is comforting. However, it makes sense when you think of it in terms of familiarity versus new territory (old and comfortable versus new and scary).
Four steps to leaving your comfort zone:
Figure out why you're leaving comfort zone.
Accept that you'll feel uncomfortable and anxious doing your new thing. Be prepared for the worst.
Enlist support: friends, family, colleagues, books, groups - whatever it takes. Don't go at it alone.
Persevere. You're leaving what you know, which can be emotionally and mentally draining. Don't give up until you get the results you want!
The copyright of the article Leaving Your Comfort Zone in Child Psychology is owned by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen. Permission to republish Leaving Your Comfort Zone must be granted by the author in writing.
I get a sense we each have overlapping comfort zones. While you hope to snuggle down and stay within them, outside influences may intervene so I like to think while ever I have some say in my destiny I will opt for the earlier less painful decision if necessary, rather than wait for the one needing surgery almost. And what's the worst thing to happen to me anyway?
My experience is that applying for jobs and leaving jobs got easier after the first and 2nd time etc. When I look back now and see my "track record", the period between jobs got less and less...and sometimes this was within the same employer. I survived to retirement OK. In fact, it all facilitated my early retirement because of the confidence to make such a decision.
The other thing was that I deliberately took myself out of my comfort zone. I could argue with the boss or admit errors as freely.
I joke that I only change address every 13 years whether I need to or not. Well, I'm a retired homeowner now...this is clearly a 'comfort zone' for me. But I find I'm less attached to this 3rd house as I was to my first house so I suspect given all the rental moves etc, this zone will be pliable enough.
Another permanent live-in relationship at my age? Getting back into private transport? For a number of strong reasons, I know these areas include some loss...and maybe some anxiety if I push the envelope. While my insight about them is great, I'm comfortable enough to bear the risks. A life less perfect?
Within suite101? While it may not be so obvious, my participation in some of the spiritual topics takes me out of my comfort zone. But I'm not ashamed to show my limitations.
Practice makes perfect, eh?
May 15, 2007 2:15 PM
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen
:
What makes you think I want to snuggle into my comfort zone? Interesting statement. - Getting out of the comfort zone must be balanced with risk tolerance, I guess. I mean you can't just up and quit jobs or people without some indication of the consequences, can you? - Whatever makes you scared or anxious pulls you out of your zone, I guess. Quitting jobs can be an indication you're IN your zone, if it's something you do regularly.
May 15, 2007 10:05 PM
redback
:
suite101 is having technical problems. I'm also typing with nothing happening! The internet access I have keeps kicking me off. I'm easily a marginal player here.
We may have different meanings to comfort zones...and that's OK. I speak Strine. I attempted to indicate how transient some of these zones are by exampling mine. some, maybe many people in my experience bemoan lost opportunities by any number of rationalisations.
Another example: A friend has committed welfare fraud and asked me to represent him on a matter. I couldn't believe he did it and he effectively denied it on a number of fronts to me. I hold honesty as a high ideal and I thought he genuinely did too. Without going into the details, he added betrayal of a friendship to what he did. I'm not in a comfort zone with him given unresolved issues over his disregard of me.
When we test ourselves as we should, in my opinion, we test the relevance of the comfort zones we set. But, as indicated above, many people stay with what's most familiar, way past its expiry date.
I'm out of here before I lose my post again. I'm curious you can't think of anything off the top of your head, you're happy to stay "snuggled into" be it a warm bed on a bitter winter night or a belief in a high ideal etc etc. But my "snuggle in" reference wasn't aimed at you. :) :)
May 17, 2007 3:32 AM
redback
:
If you don't see a response from me over the next cuppla daze, tis not the problems mentioned as annoying as they are. I'm off to a Schizpohrenia Fellowship conference...overnight stays etc.
I'll check back in when I return.
May 17, 2007 6:41 AM
Pink
:
. Do you register under various identities or do you have to pick one and stay with it? . <b> :~)</b>
May 17, 2007 3:46 PM
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen
:
ha, ha. I think that's multiple personality disorder, not schizophrenia. It could also be bipolar, too!
May 17, 2007 4:56 PM
Pink
:
. Aren't schizoids free floaters that move from one identity to another? Sometimes? .
May 20, 2007 1:48 PM
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen
:
I don't think they do move from one identity to another, actually...but I could be wrong. There's always that possibility. - Getting out of your comfort zone, whether you're schizoid or have multiple personalities, is hard. Even just the thought of it can send some people screaming for the hills!
May 23, 2007 6:40 PM
redback
:
I'm back after a busy week. Tis a pity to see myths about schizophrenia. But there are many people holding these views. I have a profound hope an increase in mental health literacy will occur before 2010 in the real world and shortly after within suite101.
Mar 6, 2008 2:40 PM
Katherine
:
It certainly is a pity to see myths about schizophrenia in this day and age. No they are not free floaters (?!) No they do not skip from one personality to the next (?!) Try RETHINK (national schizophrenia website for the UK)for advice and information on displelling myths. Also "Schizoids" is an offensive term.
