An introvert's communication style is different than an extrovert's. Here are suggestions on communicating with people who have introverted personality traits.
Introverted personality traits and types are different than extroverted personality types in three major ways, according to Dr Marti Olsen Laney in The Introvert Advantage. Introverts are energized by their inner worlds while extroverts are energized by outer worlds. That is, introverts get their energy from themselves – their ideas, emotions and impressions. Extroverts get their energy from people, activities, and things outside of themselves.
Introverted personality types don’t thrive on a variety of stimuli, while extroverts do. Introverts tend to gain experience with a narrow, in-depth focus. Extroverted personality types tend to get experience and knowledge through a wide variety of people, places and things.
Introverts may like people very much, but find it draining to be around anyone too long. People with introverted personality traits feel overwhelmed more quickly than extroverts do - especially in group settings.
How Introverts Communicate
In The Introvert Advantage, Dr Laney says that introverts tend to:
Keep energy, enthusiasm and excitement to themselves. Introverts hesitate before sharing personal information.
Need time to think before they respond. Introverts need time to reflect before reacting.
Prefer communicating one to one. People with introverted personality traits don’t like parties and groups as much as extroverts do.
May occasionally think they told you something they didn’t, because they’re “always going over things in their head.”
Need to be invited to speak or be drawn out. Introverts tend to prefer written over verbal communication.
10 Tips on Talking to People with Introverted Personality Traits
These tips on talking to introverts work well with anybody – introvert, extrovert, or somewhere in between!
Set a time to discuss big issues. This gives introverts time to prepare their thoughts.
Let introverts talk – don’t interrupt. “It takes energy for introverts to start talking again,” says Dr Laney in The Introvert Advantage.
Occasionally communicate in writing. Introverts may prefer written communication because it’s less stimulating.
Ask questions, such as what happened during the day. Introverts may need to be drawn out.
Give them a chance to talk. Offer silence, which may prompt people with introverted personality traits to share their thoughts.
Be comfortable with silence. Introverts generally like it quiet – but they also enjoy spending time with others. Quietly.
Repeat what you heard them say. Ask introverts if your summary was accurate.
Use nonverbal communication. According to Laney, shoulder pats, hand holding, kisses on the cheek are effective ways to “talk” to people with introverted personality traits.
Appreciate how much energy it takes introverts to be with people – whether it’s a group or just you. Show your appreciation.
Get comfortable with a different conversational pace. Learn to value how introverts communicate - because it is different than people with extroverted personality traits!
If you found How Introverts Communicate: Talking to People With Introverted Personality Traits helpful, try:
The copyright of the article How Introverts Communicate in Psychology is owned by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen. Permission to republish How Introverts Communicate in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
As an extreme introvert, and familiar with other introverts, all I can do
in response to this pack of nonsense is laugh hysterically.
Sep 2, 2008 10:23 AM
Guest
:
Summer:
I think it's quiet good in fact. However, I guess people
in general don't like introverts or they think they're not what they look
to be. This is a very odd position, particularly for a group talk (or group
socialization). I can't lie (quiet a statement, i know) and so called
extroverts do it very easily an with confidence. If lying makes me an
extrovert, i prefer to be an introvert for life.
Sep 23, 2008 8:12 AM
Guest
:
SOUNDS VERY ACCURATE TO ME
Sep 27, 2008 11:44 AM
Guest
:
I'm an introvert, not an alien. I am not slow. I'm okay, YOU are okay, IN
SMALL DOSES! Sure, I am a friendly introvert, on MY TERMS. We as
introverts CHOOSE when we wish to engage, period. Everyone seems to think
that we introverts will be just fine with extroverts... and that extroverts
are our perfect love match as well, HOGWASH. My husband is a bigger
introvert than me, and that's really saying something. We are both deeply
introverted and we LOVE It that way. All three kids are also deeply
introverted. We simply wish to be left alone, we will choose when we want
to engage in social activity. Usually work is MORE than enough!! We can
all be in the same house together, doing our own thing, NOT CHATTERING AWAY
AND ANNOYING THE HELL OUT OF ONE ANOTHER. We rarely, if EVER, turn on the
TV, but we love music. The phone is only a necessary EVIL. We are annoyed
by those of you who need constant attention and drama.... who can't seem to
focus and stay on task. We are even more annoyed by those of you who are
pushy, bossy and want to be in our personal space all the time. Introverts
love peace, quiet, and non confrontational interactions. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If you can't relate to that, we won't relate to you.
Oct 1, 2008 2:00 AM
Guest
:
This article makes introverts sound like retarded puppies. And I'm pretty
sure I'm not a retarded puppy.
Oct 9, 2008 8:07 AM
Guest
:
i liked the fact that you got the quiet part, and the part where we don't
usually just talk and talk
Oct 20, 2008 9:19 AM
Guest
:
Previous commenter mentioned this makes us sound like retarded puppies.
You're spot on Rover.
This is just so annoying that introverts
are presented as inferior & weird all the time.
Many
extroverts are constantly seeking other people's approval and it can come
across as rather desperate, they are frequently ego-maniacs too, looking
for compliments and admiration. Introverts are often too busy with their
own thoughts and lives to want to waste time talking rubbish and massaging
someones ego
Oct 23, 2008 5:19 AM
Guest
:
Umm.. WHy do i feel so insulted when i read this article? I'm an introvert.
Oct 25, 2008 11:28 AM
Guest
:
i agree with the other comments - this article is pretty insulting to
introverted people - the FACT is everyone is introverted and EVERYONE is
extroverted - it totally depends on the situation and your state.
INTROVERSION IS A MYTH
thoughts please
Oct 26, 2008 5:56 PM
Guest
:
im an introvert to me this kinda makes introverts sound stupid im not
stupid im just not good at talking to people and making eye contact in
public.
Oct 27, 2008 12:41 AM
Guest
:
This article isn't really insulting, more or less a little vague. I would
say the characteristics are about 90% correct, but the way it's being
described is just rude.
Honestly, I just don't like to be around
most people because I find their presence and sometimes demeanor offensive.
Even if I know them.
Oct 29, 2008 2:54 AM
Guest
:
Shoulder pats work on me only if it's by someone intimate (e.g. family). In
public it has an adverse effect.
Nov 2, 2008 8:25 PM
Guest
:
the article is only "insulting" because we've been conditioned
since childhood that introverted behavior is wrong or weird. it's not! I
LOVE being an introvert! I really wouldn't have it any other way. Yes, it
is so frustrating at times though... :)
Nov 11, 2008 12:54 PM
Guest
:
its ur opinion still but im an introvert n i agree wid some points u make
but not all :)
Nov 23, 2008 10:03 AM
Guest
:
Hey, I think that this makes quite a bit of seance. I recently found out
that I am an introvert as well. I don't get offended by this, it's actually
quite helpful on helping me understand why I am the way I am. But, that's
just how I fee.
Dec 10, 2008 8:44 PM
Guest
:
This article is very accurate and I agree with most of it. It is neither
insulting nor degrading. If people think that I am weird because I'm an
introvert so be it. Why would I want to be like those loud and annoying
persons who only chatter away inanely? Not to say that I don't enjoy their
company now and then but too much is a pain. You guys need to accept
yourselves. The article says we internalise and deliberate over our
actions, how is that stupid?
Dec 10, 2008 9:04 PM
Kwan :
this article is mostly accurate and it does not make me feel alien,
insulted, retarded or like an animal. i don't see a reason to be insulted.
the truth is the truth. these tendencies described are, for the most part,
those that i have. i accept my weirdness as described by others. i do not
want to be the type of person to be speak needlessly. i do apreciate
solitude and silence.
Dec 29, 2008 11:31 PM
Guest
:
I've never really thought about it, but this artocle just decribed my
personality exactly. Good read
Jan 2, 2009 12:03 PM
Guest
:
I would not recommend touching as a method of communication with
introverts, unless you know them very well. Myself included, I cannot think
of (m?)any introverts I know that would appreciate being touched. Really,
just don't. It's an unnecessary invasion of space.
Jan 5, 2009 3:53 AM
Guest
:
I know a lot of people are offended by this but I wouldn't say it was
incorrect, perhaps, just not put forward very well. Admittedly it does make
us sound inferior and slow minded to the outsider... but it is mostly
correct. As for the whole nonverbal communication, I find them all too
forward for an Introvert. Actions shown, perhaps, like small gestures would
be appreciated but any shoulder pats and onward, outside of my family unit,
well, i'd be made to feel very uncomfortable. Not advisable at all.
Jan 9, 2009 8:00 PM
Guest
:
As an introvert I don't find this article insulting, though I'm not sure
I'd recommend touching either- honestly that seems to be a classic
extroverted thing to do!
Jan 21, 2009 6:24 PM
Guest
:
I agree with the previous comment more or less. The article describes me
pretty well, although it can insulting to some. But knowing myself and my
characteristics is always a good thing. Every human being is different in
their own way, you dont need to be superior or inferior to others. However,
problems do arise when mixing introvert and extrovert people, as in my case
my wife is extrovert. In such case understanding the characteristics of
introvert and extrovert may strengthen understanding towards each other.
Jan 27, 2009 11:30 PM
Guest
:
Is it typical of an introvert to be offended with any examination of his
characteristics?
Feb 27, 2009 1:08 PM
Guest
:
Don't feel insulted...I am an extrovert and there were alot of things I
envy you for if you an introvert...Waiting to answer til you think it
through.UMMM Not me, I react to quick. Being the one to be careful what I
say, I wear not only my heart on my sleeve, but everything else. I
could go on. But this article struck me as introverts may be shy but it
also says alot about having wisdom and self control. This is not always
the case with introverts. But for the most part that is what I took from
this article so be proud!
Feb 27, 2009 7:48 PM
Guest
:
I don't find this offensive either, nor does it make introverts sound
retarded. People forget that there's different types of introverts, so not
everyone is going to fit into the same bucket. No point throwing a hissy
fit if a particular article doesn't describe you the way you want it to.
Mar 16, 2009 8:48 PM
Guest
:
I am definitely an introvert, but I am the interesting and eccentric type.
I think extroverts are shallow and never think twice before they speak.
Extroverts are weirder than introverts in that they go against nature - the
fact that we have one mouth and two ears means we should listen more than
we speak, but extroverts do the opposite. Most introverts are highly
intelligent people who uses their brain more than extroverts.
Mar 18, 2009 11:02 AM
Guest
:
I agree with most of the people on here. This is seemingly an extreme view
of someone incompetent, paranoid and self-centered. This is not common
among introverts. It's rather disrespectful.
Mar 23, 2009 1:02 PM
Guest
:
Ignore this article, heres what you have to know: 1.If you're
friendly, you'll be fine 2.Make the first move yourself 3.Dont
pressure us into anything, but make us feel invited 4.There are many
different kinds of introverts, from shy people who have accepted that they
are just happier when they're alone to people who are just a little
insecure and need to warm up to you first. 5.I know i would personally
prefer a group of 3-5 rather than 1 on 1, that's less pressure and
attention put on me and i feel more comfortable and relaxed. 6.As has
been said before, we AREN'T mentally hadicaped, we AREN'T crippled, we just
think differently than other people, so don't treat us like we're half
braindead or toddlers, just keep an open mind when you try to talk to us
and don't get offended, because we usually don't mean to be rude or
insulting.
Jun 2, 2009 3:51 PM
Guest
:
omg i think this article is so good. i mean i always thought that i was so
weird bcuz im so quiet and i like being alone but now i finally know thats
its normal and its ok 2 b different.
Jun 7, 2009 8:40 AM
Guest
:
i think the characteristics of interovert are not defined properly here. -- interoverts are not energiged by their innerworld. If that is the
case, every great thinker who made history in relegion, science etc etc
were all introverts. Then who are introverts. They are the one who
'keeps' their opinion to themselves. Not easily available to comment on any
subject of discussion. Possibly not very clear of their thoughts (its not a
major sign though). Hesitant to open up. That's all. They sure need someone
to roll them off. Extroverts are basically fearless ppl, who dont
worry abt what ppl might say when they give their opinion about a subject.
Sometimes these are the ppl who turn out good candidate for leaders.
Although not necessarily good leaders. Both introverts &
extroverts are susceptible to external circumstances. So they both sure
will react to whatever happens in the external world & form up their
opinions.
Jun 24, 2009 7:49 PM
Guest
:
I've been dating this girl for two plus years now and I've only just
discovered that she is an introvert and I am an extrovert which probably
explains why we can never seem to get along anymore. I like TV, she
doesn't, i like social activities, she doesn't and so on. I've tried very
hard to understand why our relationship is not working and I think I may
have found the answer. I'm not judging her introverted personality but I
feel like we are trying to fit a "square peg in a round hole".
Jun 27, 2009 9:15 AM
Guest
:
I'm about half and half. As an introvert, I DO get my energy "from
within myself" and I am easily worn out by large groups. However, like
an extrovert, I often enjoy having long and meaningful conversations (but
not small talk!), I DO seek the approval of others (probably social
conditioning from trying to fit in with extroverts!) and I am stimulated by
many different things (I have a TON of hobbies and I love to travel!).
I think introversion/extroversion are more like two ends of a scale
rather than black & white qualities. Most people probably fall
somewhere in the middle.
Nov 29, 2007
