How Introverts Communicate
10 Tips on Talking to People with Introverted Personalities
Introverts' communication style is different than extroverts'. Here's how introverts communicate, how to talk to introverts, and what "normal" introverted behavior is.
Introverted personality types are different than extroverted personality types in three major ways, according to Dr Marti Olsen Laney in The Introvert Advantage. Introverts are energized by their inner worlds while extroverts are energized by outer worlds. That is, introverts get their energy from themselves – their ideas, emotions and impressions. Extroverts get their energy from people, activities, and things outside of themselves.
Introverted personality types don’t thrive on a variety of stimuli, while extroverts do. Introverts tend to gain experience with a narrow, in-depth focus. Extroverted personality types tend to get experience and knowledge through a wide variety of people, places and things.
Introverts may like people very much, but they find it draining to be around anyone too long. Introverts feel overwhelmed more quickly than extroverts do - especially in group settings.
How Introverts Communicate
In The Introvert Advantage, Dr Laney says that introverts tend to:
- Keep energy, enthusiasm and excitement to themselves. Introverts hesitate before sharing personal information.
- Need time to think before they respond. Introverts need time to reflect before reacting.
- Prefer communicating one to one. Introverts don’t like parties and groups as much as extroverts do.
- May occasionally think they told you something they didn’t, because they’re “always going over things in their head.”
- Need to be invited to speak or be drawn out. Introverts tend to prefer written over verbal communication.
10 Tips on Talking to People with Introverted Personalities
These tips on talking to introverts work well with anybody – introvert, extrovert, or somewhere in between!
- Set a time to discuss big issues. This gives introverts time to prepare their thoughts.
- Let introverts talk – don’t interrupt. “It takes energy for introverts to start talking again,” says Dr Laney in The Introvert Advantage.
- Occasionally communicate in writing. Introverts may prefer written communication because it’s less stimulating.
- Ask what their day was like. Introverts may need to be drawn out.
- Give them a chance to talk. Offer silence, which may prompt introverts to share their thoughts.
- Be comfortable with silence. Introverts generally like it quiet – but they also enjoy spending time with others. Quietly.
- Repeat what you heard them say. Ask introverts if your summary was accurate.
- Use nonverbal communication. Shoulder pats, hand holding, kisses on the cheek are effective ways to “talk” to introverts.
- Appreciate how much energy it takes introverts to be with people – whether it’s a group or just you. Show your appreciation.
- Get comfortable with a different conversational pace. Learn to value how introverts communicate.
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