Financial Infidelity in Marriage
Why Spouses Lie About Money and How to Find Financial Compatibility
Nov 27, 2007
Financial planners and marriage therapists are encountering financial infidelity now more than ever because many marriages consist of two-income couples. Though 96% of North American couples believe complete honesty about financial issues is important, 29% admit to lying to their partners about money.
Financial infidelity is lying about money to your partner or refusing to be honest with your spouse about money. It’s financial cheating.
Financial Infidelity: Men and Women Lie about Money in Different Ways
Financial lies range from the cost of a $50 pair of shoes to a $500,000 investment gone sour. “Money holds a lot of emotional symbolism,” says psychologist Barry McCarthy. “Men and women differ in the nature of their infidelity. Men tend to hide income, while women tend to hide excess spending.”
“A lot of spouses actually feel that they’re making things better by keeping their purchases and their money habits a secret,” says divorce specialist Linda Cartier. “They don’t want to argue or have a confrontation.” But strong relationships aren’t just about emotional, physical and emotional compatibility – they involve financial compatibility as well. Financial infidelity in marriage can destroy a relationship as quickly as emotional cheating or sexual intimacy with someone else.
Being financially faithful involves complete honesty, similar goals, and workable household budgets. New couples may benefit from marriage contracts and full monetary disclosures, but even couples who have been married for decades can rethink their financial habits – and fix financial infidelities.
Financial Infidelity: 4 Steps to Financial Compatibility
- Accept your spending style. Understand how your and your spouse’s spending styles differ. Different financial styles include being a spender, saver, aggressive investor, cautious investor, etc. When you understand your and your partner’s style, you’re more likely to reconcile your differences.
- Talk about money. Discuss your financial goals, investment portfolios, daily budgets, and last-minute purchases. Lying to your spouse about money or financial infidelity in marriage can drive a wedge in your relationship.
- Create a financial plan. Hire a financial advisor or just do it yourselves. Discuss your retirement goals, investment strategies, tax planning, education plans for the kids, etc.
- Keep some things separate. Make sure you have your own retirement savings, credit cards, bank accounts, and investments in addition to your joint financial portfolio. This protects you from the potential fallout of serious financial infidelity.
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