You'd win the promotion or have a better relationship - but you find leaving your comfort zone scary. Here's the psychology keeping you in your comfort zone.

Leaving your comfort zone is scary because if you venture out, you'll feel anxious. It's basic psychology. Even the thought of leaving your comfort zone or circle of fear induces stress and sweat. Your comfort zone may prevent you from pursuing your dreams, winning the promotion, having a better relationship, or living the life you want….but it doesn't have to.

Why leaving your comfort zone is difficult

Comfort zones prevent us from accepting exciting opportunities, asking attractive people out for coffee, inviting the neighbors over for dinner, or going on vacations. They lock us into our tried-and-true ways of living; they don't allow us to explore our potential.

Comfort zones are safe.

Leaving your comfort zone is leaving what's comfortable

Your comfort zone is whatever you're most familiar with. It includes your family, friends, house, income level, spouse, or lover. Take your family, for instance. If your childhood was filled with abuse, conflict, or pain you'll feel more comfortable in the same place in adulthood – even if you have the opportunity to live in a loving environment. In fact, you may reject healthy partners and living situations in favor of what you're familiar with. If you grew up with abuse, you've learned what to expect: yelling, hitting, silence, accusations.

Leaving your comfort zone is hard because you know what to expect there. You know how to deal with life in your comfort zone.

Leaving your comfort zone is new & scary

Here's an example: if you grew up learning that making people happy is right and rewarding, then you'll try to please as many people as possible. That's one theory of how adult "people-pleasers" evolve: they were rewarded for doing the right thing by others, and now they can't say no without guilt or fear. Adult people-pleasers learn to avoid doing what they want because they're bound by pleasing others. The comfort zone for people-pleasers saying yes despite their real feelings and desires.

Leaving your comfort zone is scary.

It's somewhat ironic that living in a healthy way causes anxiety because it's new, and living in the old unhealthy or even abusive way is comforting. However, it makes sense when you think of it in terms of familiarity versus new territory (old and comfortable versus new and scary).

Four steps to leaving your comfort zone:

1. Figure out why you're leaving comfort zone.
2. Accept that you'll feel uncomfortable and anxious doing your new thing. Be prepared for the worst.
3. Enlist support: friends, family, colleagues, books, groups - whatever it takes. Don't go at it alone.
4. Persevere. You're leaving what you know, which can be emotionally and mentally draining. Don't give up until you get the results you want!

If you found Leaving Your Comfort Zone interesting, you'll like Oh! The Places You'll Go

Here's the follow-up discussion on this article:

View all related messages

Post to this discussion

For a complete listing of article comments, questions, and other discussions related to Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen's Child Psychology topic, please visit the Discussions page.