Dealing with Introvert Guilt
How to Enjoy Being an “Innie” without Feeling Embarrassed or Awkard
"Introvert guilt" happens when you crave time alone, but feel embarrassed or guilty for neglecting your family and friends. Here's how to deal with introvert guilt.
“Our modern society puts more emphasis on getting along in parties and groups, assertiveness and classic extroverted personality traits,” says fellow Suite101 writer Alicia King. “Society's lessons can make us feel wrong about wanting solitude.”
Introverted personality traits go against the norm in many communities, companies, and groups. Introverts prefer to spend time alone or with one or two others. Many introverts accept invitations to events and activities because of introvert guilt (actually, whether we’re introverts or extroverts, many of us are people pleasers who have a hard time saying no).
Introverts are relatively easily overstimulated at work or in groups of people. A tell-tale introverted personality characteristic is how they get their energy. Introverts need to be alone to feel refreshed and back in touch with themselves. In contrast, extroverts get their energy from groups of people.
“So many introverts feel compelled to accept social invitations even if they really need the time alone because saying ‘I'd rather go home....’ sounds antisocial and unfriendly,” Alicia says. “I have been called everything from crazy to un-American for saying ‘I don't really enjoy watching television.’ ”
Dealing with Introvert Guilt
Here are some practical ways to enjoy your introverted personality characteristics without feeling guilty.
- Know your personality. The more you learn about your introverted personality characteristics, the more familiar and normal they become. When you know yourself, you can accept yourself.
- Schedule downtime. Write it on your calendar or in your daytimer: Mon, Weds and Fri from 4 to 5:30 pm is your time. Do whatever it is that fills you up again with positive energy.
- Practice saying no. The more you say no even if you feel guilty, the easier it’ll get. You don’t have to have a reason to say no (though needing time alone is one of the best reasons there is).
- Unite with fellow introverts. Learn to identify people with introverted personality characteristics. Maybe you have a close friend to visit with, but you don’t necessarily want to talk the whole time. If she’s an introvert, discuss ways to be together without constant conversation. Carpooling to the gym works because you can chat to and from the fitness center, and still have some quiet time on the machines.
Alicia describes her friendships with both introverts and extroverts this way: “In my neighborhood, we introverts seem to have symbiotically paired up with complete extroverts. The extroverts hang out together at one house, while we introverts share companionable silence at another,” she says. “We’ve labeled this time of writing, painting, and so on as ‘Social Introversion.’ Our partners think it's less bizarre because we're "hanging out with friends." If only they knew we barely speak to each other when we're together!”
If you found Dealing With Introvert Guilt interesting, try:
- Dating for Introverts
- Introverts and Extroverts in Love
- Introverts at Work
- The Extrovert's Personality Traits
