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6 Ways To Be A Good Friend

The Health Benefits of Friendship and a Strong Support Network

Mar 22, 2007 Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

Find out how to be a good friend and enjoy a strong support network. These health benefits of friendship may surprise you.

The health benefits of friendship include a longer, healthier life. Plus, being a good friend makes your life more fun, interesting, and easy to handle! Another health benefit of friendship is that when you have even one best or close friend, your attitude and ability to deal with stress and problems is greatly increased.

Surprisingly, even spending time with an intimate partner doesn't provide the same health benefits as friendship. Good friends offer a different kind of support than lovers, siblings, parents, or children do. Good friends provide a different level of understanding and communication -- and this positively affects your health, wellness, and attitude. Strong feelings of connectedness is another health benefit of friendship.

The Health Benefits of Friendship

Stressed-out hamsters with skin wounds who were paired with other hamsters healed faster than those left alone to heal. The hamsters with friends also produced less of the stress hormone cortisol, which has negative effects on mood and immunity. You may not be a hamster, but the effects are transferable to human friends. If you're depressed, recuperating from an illness, or stressed you'll heal and deal faster with friends. This is a huge health benefit of friendship.

Researchers haven’t figured out exactly how, but friends boost your immune system. Good friends help you relax, take a deep breath, and remember what really matters – and why. The connection and relationship you feel when you’re with your friends boosts your feelings of hope, faith, and belief that things will be Okay. Friends provide comfort and companionship, laughter and honesty. A strong support network can also keep you motivated and energized! This is why it's important to know how to be a good friend.

A strong support network isn't just about emotions and feelings. A huge health benefit of friendship is moral support. Practically speaking, when a friend accompanies you to a doctor’s appointment or medical procedure, you’ll likely experience lower blood pressure and a slower heart rate. You’ll heal faster and live longer. Without social ties or friends to keep you going, you’re more likely to experience negative emotions, more illnesses, and even earlier death than normal. A strong support network will keep you alive and well.

6 Ways To Be A Good Friend

  1. Spend time together. If you can’t go for walks or to yoga class together, then telephone or email your friend regularly. The conversations needn’t be long or personal; those quick “I’m thinking of you” moments can go a long way in making a strong support network.
  2. Make friends a priority. Maybe you “should” clean the house, wash the dog, go grocery shopping, or watch tv (some people feel they should do that!). But give those “shoulds” the brush and prioritize your friendships. There will be plenty of time for those “shoulds” when you’re dead. For now, think about the health benefits of friendship.
  3. Be there for the good and bad. Show up for the funerals and the weddings, the surgeries and the celebrations! Be sincerely sad or genuinely happy for your friend – and include them on the good and bad in your life, too. One way to be a good friend is to be inclusive.
  4. Don’t keep score. Who called who last? Who bought lunch last? Who spent the most on Christmas gifts? Who forgot whose birthday? Who cares? If you have a good friend, cut a little slack. If your friendship really isn’t that great, then maybe you need to re-evaluate it. The health benefits of friendship will outlast the score-keeping cards.
  5. Notice the little stuff. The conversations that matter the most are the quick little ones that last only a few minutes. It’s not always the deep long heart-to-hearts that bond friends together -- it's the day to day minutiae of everyday life. One way to be a good friend is to have short, sweet conversations.
  6. Focus on the positive. We all have quirks and weaknesses; focusing on your friend’s strengths and wonderful qualities will keep your friendship alive and strong. To be a good friend, forget about the things you wish were different.

If you found 6 Ways to be a Good Friend: The Health Benefits of Friendship helpful, try:

The copyright of the article 6 Ways To Be A Good Friend in Psychology is owned by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen. Permission to republish 6 Ways To Be A Good Friend in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.

Comments

May 2, 2008 2:30 PM
Guest :
I am happy when I am in the company of a good friend and I am equally happy when I am alone.
Oct 10, 2008 11:44 PM
Guest :
it hurts when ur frd ignores you>>>>>..
Oct 10, 2008 11:45 PM
Guest :
it hurts when you come to know that you are no more a priority in your best friends life
Nov 4, 2008 3:19 AM
Guest :
Its been about year ago since me and my mate were close, he found his first girlfriend and now things changed. Suddenly my friendship was ALWAYS compromised for his girlfriend as we no longer 'hung out' togther and catch up during class with what was going on in our lives.
I suppose this neglectful behaviour by my ex-friend resulted in me turning sour and resentful. Few months late after a bitter dispute on the issue we stopped talking to each. For about 6months we didn't talk or make eye contact with each other until i was apologised to.
In a sense i did regret accepting the apology as it really made no impact on how our 'friendship' (if you could even call it that) was and i still kept feeling the bitter sting of neglect.
Being a guy i suppose its that little bit more difficult to express your feelings to each other. Even today despite my many efforts to remain in contact with this person we hardly ever speak to each other and now that in life we have gone in separate ways this friendship is literally hanging on a string.
My advice to other people would be to not be hasteful to show anger or feelings of resentful to your friend no matter how justifiable you anger is and if possible try to assertively commmunicate your feelings with them. If in the end like you really don't see your friendship improving then it really is time to move on. Do not resort to self-destructive behaviour that may jeopardise your future as I guaratnee you'll have many opportunities to make new friends.
All the best,
Annonymous
Jan 7, 2009 6:38 AM
Karen Plumley :
We all need a little reminder from time to time of what is really important, and this article says it perfectly. Thanks, Laurie!
Feb 21, 2009 5:06 AM
Guest :
ooh good list. when there is a good compatibility there, i do notice certain friends having a natural priority in my life, it's easier to not worry about the negative stuff, and there's no need to keep score cos you can trust that it all evens out in the end. i reckon it's maybe a bit risky to say that these are "6 ways to be a good friend", because it implies that you have to engineer it, otherwise you're a bad person. but these are definitely things that are nice to be aware of. :)
Feb 22, 2009 6:00 AM
Guest :
All very theoretical. I have done all those things and it's just untrue. Most people these days are superficial and not interested in anything you say.

I am the sort of person that will be with people through thick and thin, but when things really go wrong EVERYONE scarpers, i.e. fair-weather friends.

However as the author of this article has obviously never had their live go completely wrong, then they wouldn't know that about "friends".

There are lot's of myths being peddled about friends, but the bottom line is that it's all complete rubbish.

Being kind doesn't make a difference, people these days are so superficial they just want to "plug their friends in like an X-Box". Harsh but fair.

I have yet to find any friendships that are real.

You say about not counting things like who calls... but what if people NEVER call.

Your article is a nice attempt but it a complete fallacy.
May 27, 2009 7:41 PM
Guest :
I like friends I can trust.
Jun 29, 2009 10:03 AM
Guest :
How can you be friends with someone you cannot trust. In other words, if she lies to one of her good friends or talks about the friend behind her back, she will do it to you too. I guess us "liars" are in good company. By the way LV, keeping something from someone or not giving the facts are the same thing as lying.
Nov 2, 2009 7:43 AM
Guest :
it hurts when u have a "PLASTIC FRIENDS" right??so be wise of choosing friends..
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