Avoiding Emotional Infidelity
10 Rules That Protect Your Marriage From Emotional Affairs
Emotional cheating involves personal intimacy with someone other than your spouse or partner. Emotional infidelity can be harder on a marriage than adultery.
One of the most meaningful ways to say I love you to your partner is by avoiding emotional infidelity with inappropriate people. Emotional intimacy includes sharing personal issues and discussing your marital relationship with other people.
In his book Emotional Infidelity: How To Avoid It, Gary Neuman describes 10 rules for avoiding emotional infidelity. These guidelines don't just guard your marriage against emotional cheating, they can show your partner just how much you care.
For a well-rounded picture of emotional infidelity, read How Emotional Cheating Starts and Emotional Affairs.
10 Rules for Avoiding Emotional Infidelity
"Keeping members of the opposite sex out of your intimate way is crucial to the success of marriage," says Dr Neuman. "In today's world, it takes focus and planning."
1. Keep your business relationships professional. Do enquire about sick mothers, don't get into personal discussions that last for hours. Emotional infidelity is rarely planned; it often arises from innocent friendships that went too far, that became too intimate.
2. Avoid meetings with colleagues of the opposite sex outside of work. Dr Gary Neuman suggests ordering lunch in the office and not going out for celebratory drinks or dinners. To avoid emotional cheating, make your attention and allegiance to your spouse clear. "When you do have to meet outside the office, make the meeting in a public place that isn't conducive to intimacy."
3. Meet in groups. Even one extra person minimizes emotional intimacy. Have lunches, dinners or cocktails with at least two people to avoid the potential for emotional infidelity.
4. End personal conversations. Find polite ways to disengage from emotional intimacy or discussions about personal topics. Emotional affairs begin with personal discussions, and grow more intimate as time goes on.
5. Avoid consistency with one person. To guard against emotional infidelity, avoid regular, ongoing personal conversations with one particular person. Relationships need time and energy to develop; don’t make deep emotional investments with inappropriate people.
6. Don't share your personal feelings. Dr Gary Neuman suggests being polite and helpful, but wary of sharing your personal experiences. "Sharing our own innermost thoughts and feelings is an easy habit to fall into and a hard one to break." Avoid emotional cheating by sharing intimately with others.
7. Be honest with yourself. If you're attracted to someone and find yourself flirting with emotional intimacy outside your marriage, be honest about the potential for an emotional affair. Don't sugarcoat it (eg, "What's the harm? It's not like I'd ever go to bed with that person. We're just talking about my marriage."). When you enjoy your conversations more with others than your partner, alarm bells should sound.
8. Avoid friendly hugs or kisses. Dr Gary Neuman admits that it sounds extreme, but you should avoid dancing, kissing, or hugging members of the opposite sex. Emotional infidelity springs from seemingly innocent actions.
9. Don't drink around the opposite sex. You know what happens when you drink alcohol: you lose your inhibitions and clarity – setting you up for mistakes such as emotional intimacy with inappropriate people, which could lead to long-term emotional cheating.
10. Say I love you to your partner daily. Dr Gary Neuman recommends showing your commitment to your spouse regularly to avoid emotional infidelity.
If you found Avoiding Emotional Infidelity helpful, try:
- Emotional Distance and Separation
- Signs of Addictive Relationships
- The Stages of Love
- 64 Ways to Say I Love You
